Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
