Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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