Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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