The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
