never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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