I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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