I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
