Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize