i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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