i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize