her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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