Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
