Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
