Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Someone signed my nipple.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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