i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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