I just cut my nipple shaving
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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