Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
