We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
