Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
