he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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