i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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