i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
