Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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