we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
