Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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