Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
