And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
