Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
