a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
