My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
