Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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