Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
