Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
