"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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