I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
