I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
