Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
