another moral hangover. fuck.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
