were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
