Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize