Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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