Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
