Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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