Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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