I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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