she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
