i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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