Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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