FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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