I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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