You can't special order awesome
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
