Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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