just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
