Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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