Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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