shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
