no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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