i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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