you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
