why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
