I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
