True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
