I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize