ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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