I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
